The Missing Piece to Achieve my Deeply Held Desires

Whenever I say I'm setting my mind to do something, the universe seems puts up blocks. Those barriers often come to me by way of my own vacillating moods or energy levels, as well as larger more, "universal" themes. When that happens, I have a choice. I can back down and forget about it or I can continue to forge ahead despite the blocks and boundaries. I suppose the universe is acting as a gatekeeper. For example, if I've said that what I really want to do is to write a bestselling book that helps a lot of people, I am sure I wouldn't be alone in that statement. What would happen if the universe unilaterally opened the gates to everyone, giving them all full access VIP passes? Right, a mob scene, maybe even a stampede, would ensue. So the universe, as a wise parent, is requiring a little bit of work from us before giving out that allowance.

I am at the stage now in life where I am seriously trying to confront those blocks. Firstly, by not viewing them as blocks at all, but tests that I must pass in order to get to the next level. When we were in school, we didn't go from first grade to second by failing all of our tests. So why should this be any different?

I tell myself and anyone else who is in this situation, "Do not become discouraged, try and try again. Eventually you will find the correct answer. And the gates will open, one by one. Above all, once you start gaining momentum, don't fear that things will shut down again. Just keep doing your best to progress through all the steps. And remember, the universe is still writing the curriculum, you are just learning to master it."

Writing Notebook: Walk in the nature, Branch Brook Park

 Writing Notebook, walk in the nature Branch Brook Park. 

The first thing I saw was a fallen branch. Bark off, branch down, dead wood fell away, I can’t quite tell where it had fallen from. 

Leaves crunching underfoot. Just 3 weeks ago, I was cross country skiing across this same terrain. How different it looks without the snow. It’s funny how much more I notice the trees now without that expanse of white to command my vision. 

There’s the tree I took the selfie from. Hmm, self-referential, will I write a teaching memoir?

Look, a person. standing in the rushes twice as tall as he is. Oh, he’s photographing a pretty young girl in what looks to be a Quinceañera dress. A yellow dress with a full skirt, it’s perfect for this sunny day and perfect for this 15 year old. Proud papa snaps away. Mom stands by smiling and directing. The whole family is inside the rushes. 

A flock of geese think this little bit of water is enough to swim in. They approach gingerly one at a time. As I try to keep my feet dry, the geese are busy trying to get theirs wet. 

Breeze is blowing, shifting the leaves in a noisy mass. Listen, can you hear the wind chimes? High up in a tree, a Plastic bag is caught in the branches. Squint and you’ll see the moon instead against the late afternoon blueness. 

The water squished though my mesh sneaker tops. It was cool and I imagined it to be muddy. Hopefully I’ll walk them clean before their soles hit my rubber car mats. 

Guys have moved near the soccer nets. They are tossing a small bright yellow green tennis ball and getting some exercise. 

Yellow, yellow green, sunny, everything is looking up. I really enjoyed this exercise and plan on continuing to write while walking in nature often. I found it very meditative and a good way to sharpen powers of observation. It lead me to look for similarities, visual consistencies and it was freeing enough to feel like a ramble.

Turning 65 at the start of the pandemic

March 10, 2020, what a day it was to turn 65, marker of entering into the senior phase of life. It was also the last day of normalcy in this country, before the pandemic would officially become the whole story. Everything changed after coronavirus came to town. My entire year, from one birthday to the next, had been spent under new rules. My first year with Medicare for health insurance, my entry into elder-hood, spent in the pandemic. I engaged heavily in online learning, both taking classes and teaching them. I got reacquainted with my free creative artistic expression with some fabulous art classes, most notably the watercolor class with Karen DeLuca. I really appreciated any outdoor activity whenever and wherever I could get it - sailing and paddle-boarding, outdoor yoga classes. I made new friends and deepened my relationship with old ones. I stressed less about time and felt less FOMO than in days past. I figured everybody was staying home now, so being a little bit introverted wasn’t too bad. I’m not sure if my senior status helped me get through the year with more ease than I would have if I was younger, but I believe it did. The timing of this pandemic year was kinder for me than it was for others who were in different phases of the life cycle. Raising young children, attending high school or college, starting out on a career,  supporting a family, the very elderly and alone - all of these statuses would have been much more challenging than what I experienced. I am grateful to have reached another birthday. Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. If I miss you when your birthday rolls around, please forgive me. (Insert senior memory joke here.) My birthday wish for the year ahead for all of us is that we just heal: all of our collective wounds, our cultures, everything that hurts any one of us, our hearts, our minds and our souls. I wish that we take that healing and apply it to the earth and all its inhabitants. Namasté! Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti. The good in me sees the good in you, Peace, peace, peace.

Offering kindness instead of criticism

A lot of people are talking about cancel culture. I’d like to instead draw attention to “critical culture.” I was reading an extremely negative review that someone left on Yelp for a yoga studio in the area. I got to wondering what type of person leaves a scathing review for an establishment like that. There are plenty of other yoga studios to choose from, so why not just go to one of those (the review was obviously from pre-pandemic days)? 

There has been, I believe, a very strong empowerment of the value of criticism in our culture. But there hasn’t been nearly enough empowerment of the value of praise. So the culture is out of balance. 

I believe that everyone deserves praise - and looking for and finding that praiseworthy thing is on us as individuals. Criticism may be valid and it’s pretty easy to do at times. One could even say it’s a lazy way out. Finding that kernel of something to praise is often a bit harder. But it’s so worth it. Even if it’s just to manage what we are putting out there in the world. To avoid the rubber band of karma bouncing back on ourselves, we need to avoid aiming and releasing it in the first place.

When trying to understand why others are critical or negative in general, we can occasionally perceive that they are crying out from their own wounds. If we can take a moment and step back from taking an attack personally, there is much to be learned. We can look at things from a broader perspective, avoid being drawn into drama, and nip a negative cycle in the bud, rather than escalating it. 

In addition, we need to do more to focus on healing some of these wounds. Let’s look for and find ways to reach out and touch people’s hearts when they don’t even realize they are acting out of a wounded place. If we catch them off guard and disarm them with kindness, we can begin to bring some healing energy. As Leonard Cohen wrote in his song Anthem, “There is a crack, a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.” So next time we come across a crack somewhere, let’s resolve to go to our higher place and see the good that's there. Let us offer our kindness instead of criticism. 

Namasté, Sandy